my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
