Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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