he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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