She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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