Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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