Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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