I bet he comes in French.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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