Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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