I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
