So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
