He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
