Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
