I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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