Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
