just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
