she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
