Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
