I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
