I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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