Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
