I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
