I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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