everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
