I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
