I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
