'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
