question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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