If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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