I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
