i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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