Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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