P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
