I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
