its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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