i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You are a genius and a whore.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
