That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
