he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
