He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
