Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
