Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
