What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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