well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
