Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
