I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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