Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
