Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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