This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
