I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
