Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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