if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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