dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
