I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
