No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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